I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
