I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
