Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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