I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
