I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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