There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
