you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
A+ Viking dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
