just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
