Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
