You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
