Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
