i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
