You're completely useless in the revolution.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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