I just pynch a tree in the face
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
