Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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