Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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