It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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