She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
