I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
