Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
