just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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