They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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