somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
