I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
