Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
