It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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