the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
