I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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