if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My vagina just recognized that song.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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