did you get engaged???
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
