I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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