Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
