this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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