I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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