All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
