i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
