i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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