I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
