I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
