i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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