i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
