Already got asked if we're dating
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
