His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
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dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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