You work out of a Hotel?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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