i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
