Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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