dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
