i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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