He disabled his match.com account in front of me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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