hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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