You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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